Stuck

A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips and lands spread-legged on the bathroom floor. She tries to stand up but she has landed so hard her pussy has stuck to the floor, creating such a vacuum she can't move.

She calls out to her husband for help. He tries with all his strength to lift her but she won't budge. So he goes next door and gets his neighbour. Both pull as hard as they can but she just won't move. She's well and truly stuck to the floor.

Suddenly the neighbour says, "Why don't we just get a hammer and break the tiles around her and lift her up that way ?"

"Great idea !", says the husband, "but just let me rub her tits a little to arouse her".

"Why's that ?" asks the confused neighbour.

"So I can slide her into the kitchen. The tiles are cheaper in there."

Dear John

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:

Dear Wife (that's what he called her):

I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband (that's what she called him):

I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.