Good book?

There was this couple in bed one night.

The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bedside lamp on and was reading a book.

As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling with her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to read his book. The wife got up and started stripping off in front of him.

The husband was confused and asked, "What are you doing taking all your gearoff ?"

The wife replied," You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier."

The husband said, "No, not at all."

The wife then asked, " Well, what the hell were you doing then?"

"Just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book!"

Och aye...

One misty Scottish morning a man was driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a huge red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is about six foot three and like a walking wardrobe. He has a huge red beard and despite the wind, mist and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt and a tweed shirt. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful - slim, shapely, fair complexion....... heart stopping.

The car driver's attention is dragged from the girl when the highlander opens his car door and drags him from the seat onto the road.

"Right, you" he shouts, "I want you to masturbate",

"but......" stammers the driver,

"Now...or I'll bloody kill you"

So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside this only takes a few seconds.

"Right" says the highlander "Do it again!"

"but....." says the driver.

"Now...."

So the driver does it again.

"Right do it again" demands the highlander.

This goes on for nearly two hours. The driver has cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, and despite the mist and wind,has collapsed in a sweating jibbering heap on the ground, unable to walk.

"Do it again" says the highlander.

"I just can't anymore - you'll just have to kill me", whimpers the man.

The highlander looks down at the pathetic heap slumped on the roadside.

"All right" he says, "NOW you can give my daughter a lift to Inverness".